Sorry for the delay, it’s not my fault. I love you all really.
Hurry up and let the doors close. I want my dinner
Ladies and gentleman, upon departing the train, may I remind you to take your rubbish with you? Despite the fact that you are in something that is metal, fairly round, filthy and smells, this is a tube train for public transport and not a bin on wheels.
Please keep your kids with you at all times. Even the annoying ones.
Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a point’s failure somewhere between Mile End and East Ham, which means we probably won’t reach our destination.
Please let passengers off the train before boarding. It’s not the storming of the Bastille you know.
This is your driver speaking. We are aware that all the lights have gone out on the train but there is absolutely nothing to be worried about… or is there?
Apologies for the delay, they’re actually testing new selfdriven trains. Oh wait, I don’t think I was meant to tell you that.
Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.
This train is early and is now being delayed so that it is late. I don’t understand this either.
I can assure the passenger in the second carriage that it is not raining in the train. Please put your umbrella down.
Stand clear of the doors. If you get trapped and hurt, your insurance company won’t pay out.
Let the passengers off the train FIRST! (Pause) Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care – I’m going home.
Please stay behind the yellow line. It is located near your feet, is yellow in colour and resembles… a line.”
We can’t move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.
This train has six carriages. When you all board the first one, it causes the floor to bend and the doors will not close.
We apologise for delays to your Piccadilly line service this morning. This was due to earlier late running.
If you’re leaving at the next station please mind the gap between the timetable and reality.
To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage – what part of ‘stand clear of the doors’ don’t you understand?
Mind your fingers, mind your toes, watch the doors, they’re gonna close.
Could the young couple in the second carriage please get a room!
Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.
Ladies and gentlemen, you may have noticed we’ve stopped. I don’t know why. They haven’t told me.
Sorry for this short delay, why don’t you take this opportunity to look up from your papers and smile at a stranger? Or even say hello!
VERBING
The English language is always in a constant state of flux. New words are created all the time and old ones disappear. In recent years, one trend that has become very noticeable, and not always welcomed by all, is the changing of nouns into verbs. In English, it’s easy to do this because the base forms of verbs don’t need special endings. Also, one of the reasons why verbed nouns are so popular is that they are so easily understood Some people think verbing makes what you say sound more original, vibrant and to the point. Others deplore it.
Verbing or, what grammarians refer to as denominalization, is not new. It has been part of the English grammar for many centuries. We’ve already become used to more recent denominalisations like – to pencil in – e.g. ‘I’ll pencil you in for 3pm.’ – or – to impact – e.g.‘ That will significantly impact the company’s sales.’ Some of these inventions can be quite annoying or even considered to be an abomination, like – to dialogue – e.g. ‘Let’s dialogue about this tomorrow.’
Here are a few more examples from the business world – To trend / to statement / to evidence / to flipchart / to incentivize / to showcase / to action / to task / to transition / to workshop / to table / to calendar / to action / to fast-track / to prioritize / to beef up / to Xerox.
The primary cause of the recent rapid increase in verbing is technology. Potential changes in our language are picked up and rapidly repeated all around the world. Examples from technology include –
To text from a mobile / to bookmark a website / to inbox an email contact / to friend or defriend someone on Facebook / to like (the action, not the feeling) / to blog about a subject / to ebay a product / to skype someone/ to whatsapp someone / to google something.
This process can be found in all areas of activity, from family life, where mothers and fathers now parent, to our leisure time when we Netfix and chill, or our holidays when we Airbnb our accommodation and summer or winter in a place.
Here are just a few more examples from the world of sport – To rollerblade / to skateboard / to snowboard / to zorb – all come from the names of equipment.
Football referees card players. Athletes podium and medal in events, racing drivers pit, golfers par and coastal divers tombstone.
READING FROM
TOP TO BOTTOM
AND BACK
Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don’t try to convince me that
There’s something good in every day
Because, when you take a closer look,
This world is a pretty evil place.
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.
And it’s not true that
It’s all in the heart and mind
Because
True happiness can be obtained
Only if one’s surroundings are good
It’s not true that good exists
I’m sure you can agree that
The reality
Creates
My attitude
It’s all beyond my control
And you’ll never in a million years hear me say that
Today was a good day
Now read from bottom to top.
